Sunday, June 29, 2008

This Weekend


This weekend has had a few things going on.....Saturday Julie left the hot state of Arizona behind for New Mexico. She always wanted to run through the fountains accross from our building on her last day so Friday me, Julie, and Cooper waited for 30 minutes by the fountains and you know what we got? NOTHING! What a jip. Then I had to come in Saturday morning to fill out an employee application for Aetna and those damn fountains were on!!!! I'm going to have to start planning a trip to see her in NM.


Speaking of the employee application for Aetna....I don't know what position it is for. The one I really want or the one I interviewed for on Tuesday. I guess we will see but how freaking awesome would it be if it was for the one I want?! My mom gave the hiring supervisor my resume on Tuesday after my interview and the lady seemed really excited so maybe I can just bypass the whole interview thing. HAHA you can only hope right?


I finished the Twilight series......again. I have OCED - Obsessive Compulsive Edward Dissorder. It was nice to go through the series again because I forgot some things. The next book comes out August 2nd and I wanted to refresh my memory before that book came out. I am also trying not to start a new series until I have read that book because I tend to get wrapped up in the books I am reading and find it hard to pick up something new right away. Countdown for the movie is officially started too! December 12 will be here in no time! I already have a shirt picked out to wear....Thats right, I am a dork and a Twilighter....I will support Team Edward all the way! If you have not read these books you are missing out on one of the best things to happen in a long time. This series has totally consumed me and made me a believer in reading. Now I want a stupid Volvo too!


I took my brother to see Wall-E Sunday morning and it was awesome! The movie is by far the best Pixar movie I have ever seen and believe me, I have seen them all! I want my own Wall-E he was just so freaking adorable! My brother did really good in the theatre too which was a blessing! I love spending time with my brother. He is my world but he drives me crazy too.


That wraps up my weekend. I can't believe it is already going to be the fourth of July! This year is flying by faster then I want it to. I need to start preparing stuff for my birthday/graduation celebration.

Friday, June 27, 2008

**F*R*I*E*N*D*S**

I am not one to have a huge circle of friends. I tend to keep my inner circle small because I have trust issues and find it easier to keep my relationships in tact with a smaller group then a larger group. My problem is that in the past people have proven me right instead of proven me wrong. I value honesty and loyalty in my relationships.

My closest friend is Janet who I have know and been inseperable with for the past 3 1/2 years. I love her to death but lately we have been growing apart. She has three kids (Chris Jr., Kiyah, and Kiarra). I love them like they were my own family. Janet is 33, going on 34 this year and is divorced. We come from totally seperate worlds but were able to build a friendship because we are very similar in our personalities. I purchased a 2008 Lancer SE last year and gave it to Janet because she did not have a reliable mode of transportation. The car is in my name only but she drives it, maintains it, and pays for the car payment and insurance. That is where the major problem in our friendship lies. She has not taken the best of care to the car - honestly it looks like a five year, used up with kids eating and spilling crap everywhere, dings and dents, late payments, you name it. I see this as the way she views our friendship because I went out on a limb, screwed up my credit, to help her out. I love her to death but we got into a huge fight a week ago and I told her to leave me alone and when I am ready to talk to her I will. Funny thing is I don't mind seeing her, I just don't want to talk to her.....If that makes sense. Everything is up in the air with her right now but I know this is not a deal breaker in our friendship, just a hard fucked up leason to learn.

I also have made some good friendships at work - Cooper, Julie, Jake, and Megan are people who I am thankful for knowing and value as my friends. Jake has been my buddy since day one. He hit the floor a month or so before I did and I have sat next to him for the past two years. He was the first person I got to know on the team and oddly enough, the first Mormon I knew (I am sure I have met others before but never knew from the getgo). He has taught me a lot about patience, religion, Mormons, love, and life. I am sure he doesn't even know that because I don't talk to him about that crap but he really has. He has given me really good advice about what to do with my life and my relationships. He is one of the most genuine, sweetest, funnies, coolest Momo's I have met :) He will apprecaite that comment. Through him I also met his wife, Mallory, who is also just as great of a person as he is. Together they created Connor who is just adorable and lucky to have Mallory and Jake as his parents. He will grow up to be an amazing young man. Jake and the family are moving within the next couple weeks to Utah and I can't even think of what it will be like to not see his face at work five days a week, talk about his baby, catch up on how well Mallory is doing.....It is unreal to imagine not knowing them but I know I have some newfound, good friends with them and will make it my mission to keep in contact with them....Even though they are going to be in another state.

Cooper and Julie.....What can I not say about them?! Cooper is so spunky and quirky and I just love it. She is positive and infectious which is amazing to feel and be influenced by. I have become really close with her and Julie the last year. They were open enough to allow me into their lives and show me what it is like to have friends who not only take but give back and are more then happy to lend a helping hand when you need it. Julie is probably the second red head I have ever known, haha. She is fiesty as hell, passionate, friendly, strong, and determined. She helped me gain the confidence in myself to make the changes in my life I only dreamt of doing. Julie helped me become motivated and strong. I can never thank her enough for the transformation she has helped me begin! I am glad I have become closer to Cooper and Julie because I see life long friendships with them and glad to have people so amazing in my life and to see that I can trust people and that they have my back when I need it the most. I can't believe Julie is leaving tomorrow to New Mexico. At least I have an excuse to visit that state now :)

Megan.....Man do I love her! We have been through a lot together at work and have been each others side kick and rock through all that crap. I am glad I had her to lean on because I am not sure how well I would have dealt with things had she had not been there. She is the sweetest, funniest, and wittiest person I have met. She is honest and never holds back. She is genuine and "sparkles". She introduced me to the world of reading and opening myself to things I have never considered before. I have been able to tell her things that I have not told anyone before about my relationship with my dad, my view on religion, my anger towards God at one point for taking away my grandpa.....All my confussed feelings. She was able to make me feel comfortable enough to talk about those things and to be willing to listen to what someone else has to say. She is moving too! She will be joining Jake in Utah....I guess I have to go there now :)

These are just snipits of how I feel about these people. I don't like to get too mushy but wanted to share my apprecaition for these amazing people in my life. That is all for now. I'm sure I will have more to write about soon because my life is never dull!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

EXCITED!!!!!

Today I have an interview with Aetna for a Claims Benefit Analyst position. It is not the one I want (I want the Provider Services Rep position) but it will help me get interview practice. The position doesn't pay well and I need something that will pay me the same if not more then what I am making now. I have the experience, the attitude, the drive, and the motivation to not make more money. Plus my current job pays for school and that is a benefit another company will need to compete with for me to leave. I am not excited for the interview today just because it is not the job I want to be interviewed for....But I figure I may make a good impression on someone who ends up talking to another manager down the road and gives me a recommendation. You never know! The good news is I applied for a Provider Services Rep position last Thursday and have not recieved a denial email yet, usually they send one within 24 hours of you applying. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it is a good sign and not the computer process being slow! LOL. My mom's manager is helping that department right now and loved me when I met her a few weeks ago so I hope that helps me get in. We will see!!! Wish me luck for the job I want.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Another Sigh.....Last one for the day

Thats it.....Today is just one of those days! Here is another Debby Downer blog. This time it is about work. Can I just say that I hate, HATE, my job? I really do. I wake up in the morning dredding the drive, sitting at work doing dumb-mans work, having my soul ripped out a small peice at a time, knowing I have to be morally gray and have no ethical standards - pretty much go against everything I am. I am a firm believer that you should love what you do and do what you love. I am doing neither. Funny thing is it didn't start out that way. When I first started working with my company I was optimistic, excited, and pumped to succeed and making something out of my situation. I was actually able to achieve that - I become a manager within a year and had my own building and team of 12 to manage. I loved my job - I truly truly did. Everything about it from the daily morning meetings, pulling up reports, coaching and training my reps, just chatting with them and getting to know them, even ordering the stinking supplies and stocking the bathroom. I was content and had never been happier professionally. Then the company just came and took that all away from me in one blow. The company re-orged and we were moved to a completely different world. We ended up in the call center of all places! That place had no morals, values, or soul. It sucked the life out of you as soon as you parked your car in the parking lot. There was no escaping that feeling of despair. The happiness was stolen from me and my team but we still tried to make the best out of it. You can only get squirted in the eye so many times by lemons before you throw that shit out into the street to get ran over by a car. I have been trying to get myself to stick it out, "just a little bit longer" I keep telling myself. But I am just drained - emotionally, physically, mentally. I have just 4 classes left in my degree that I can take somewhere else (electives) and I have been applying like a mad woman for jobs at Aetna. That is where I want to be. I feel my heart is in the health care field. My whole family has been in that field. I like to help people and feel I can do that in the health care field. My real desire is to be a Provider Services Rep and work my way up. I go to the company's site every day, three to five times a day, looking for positions, for that ONE position, and applying to whatever I can. FINALLY that position was listed and I applied so fast it was like lightning. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I can get it! I have no experience what so ever in the health care field but I know I can do it. There is no doubt or question in my body - I CAN DO THAT JOB. I don't look at my lack of experience as an obstacle, I look at it as a challenge. One I am eager to take on. Cross your fingers for me :)

Questions, Anxiety, What If's, Hurt.....


My mom is amazing and someone I hope to be when I grow up. She is strong, loving, successful, capable, fiesty, smart, beautiful, funny, goofy, and geniune. She also has rheumatoid arthritis and has been suffering from it for the past few years. Her stage of rheumatoid arthritis is pretty advanced. What is rheumatoid arthritis? It is an autoimmune disease that causes chronic inflammation of the joints. It can also cause inflammation of the tissue around the joints and other organs in the body. Pretty much her body tissues are mistakenly attacked by her bodies own immune system. It is referred to as a systemic illness and can last for years. Some patients may experience periods of time where they have no symptoms but this is a progressive illness and has the potential to cause joint destruction and functional disability.

You think that sounds bad, check out the symptoms. Symptoms include fatigue, lack of appetite, fever, muscle and joint aches, and stiffness. Multiple joints are usually inflammed in a symmetrical pattern and most of the small joints like your hands, wrists, and feet are involved. Simple tasks like turning a door knob or removing a staple from a peice of paper become difficult and painful. There is also dryness in the eyes and mouth. It also affects the lungs and causes chest pain with deep breathing or coughing. It also affects the amount of red and white blood cells a persons body has and this can affect the spleen and increase risks of infections.

There isn't much out there to help this disease. A medicine will work for a while but it always stops working. There is no cure for this. The goal of most current treatment is to reduce joint inflammation and pain, maximize joint function, and prevent joint destruction. What really sucks in the medications usually bring about more symptoms that are worse then the pain itself!

My mom always complains about hurting but today it really hit me. I thought it was just like a cramp pain or a soreness pain like when you hit your elbow into the edge of a corner. My mom has been really bad lately because she stopped taking her medicine. Eventually it just stopped working for her and she was in pain and figured she might as well not be on the meds if that was how it was going to be. My mom was in tears just from the pain and this is a woman who is strong and does not show emotion from pain. She told me today she couldn't even grasp or hold up a stack of paper, take a staple out of a peice of paper, turn the key in her car.....I have never seen my mother in so much pain, look so weak and fragile, and so lost. She is giving up and the pain is becoming too much for her. I realized that this disease will not stop, she will never get better, and it will only get worse. This disease will cripple her if not kill her.

I can not imagine my life without my mom in it and this scares me more then anything ever has. What would I do? How would I be able to pick up the pieces and carry on without her? I talk to her multiple times a day, see her almost every day of the week. She is my best friend and keeps me going when I want to give up. What about my brother? He is only 5....Who would take care of him? What would we tell him? How can we help make him understand what is going on? How will this impact his life? I don't know what to do to help her feel better and I am not sure I could even if there was something I could do. I feel lost and it breaks not just my heart but my soul to see my mom in such pain. She goes to the doctor on Wednesday but that is still five days away....things can get worse for her by then. I am not sure she can take much more or much worse then she is dealing with now. I can't believe how selfish and naive I have been and realize how much more I could have done to help.

I am glad I started this blog because I need somewhere to go and just get my feelings out. I want to cry so bad but I stop myself. It is a sign of weakness to me. Crying solves nothing, it helps nothing.....So why do it? I just keep moving on. I really want to just stop myself, shake myself out from this fog, and allow myself to feel emotion. The only one I have no problem with showing or feeling is anger. I don't know what to do. I can only wish for the best and pray for something to come along to help her because I could not imagine my life without her in it. I know one day she will have to leave but I want that to be when she is in her 80's to 90's, finished watching my brother grow up to be an amazing person, and watch me and my sisters grow. I want her to have a happy life full of good memories and not pain. She has so much to offer and gain and I don't want to see those opportunities taken from her. Not like this.....

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I'm a Blogger Now!


Wow, where to start! First off my name is Liz, I am 23 (soon to be 24!). That puts me way too close to the "half-way-to-my-fifties" mark. At least I can get an insurance rate drop in another year Ha-Ha! I live in sunny, hotter then hell Arizona but I love it. You can go swimming 90% of the year, get a tan, and wear flipflops year round even when you have a huge jacket on. I started thing so I can stay in touch with some friends who will be moving on to bigger and better things - Megan moving to Utah, Jake, Mal and baby Connor moving to Utah, and Julie moving to New Mexicol. Obviously Utah is a banging spot - I'd go but I am too afraid I will touch a spec of Utah soil and burn up in flames :) Joking! Maybe? I am sure who ever visits this blog will read some pretty interesting things....My life is nothing close to boring! I can be intense, passionate, loud, obnoxious, friendly, outgoing, caring, and shy you name it, so I am sure you will read one thing and then another and be totally confussed. Its okay, I usually am too. Enjoy!